Sta.sh
Back when the world changed, when I told you 'I know', it was because I did.
I knew that you didn't want to be alive anymore; that you wanted it to end. But it didn't end, did it? You're still here and it's partly my fault, and I'm glad. I'm glad to be hated for this.
You should know that there was a time in my life when I felt the same. I wanted it all to end. I had just watched my mother die in my arms because I had been too stupid and too slow to save her, you may remember the day. I was sat alone that evening considering my failure: Remembering my sister's broken body after I had guided us straight into the ogre that had taken her life; remembering my brother's face as he had been removed from my side and into the shambles of an existence that I had forced upon him. I didn't want to let anyone else down. I couldn't stand the burden. I had been considering how best to die when you walked in.
You saved me then, Anders. You carefully pulled me back and tethered me to this world, as surely as you did Justice and you never even knew it. I knew then that I had grown from merely wanting you to needing you…I was possessed by you and you had no idea.
Instead, you waited until I couldn't so much as breathe without you in my life and then you threatened to remove yourself from it. You even asked me to be the one to do it; to be the one to remove the very thing that had kept me tied to this existence. By your actions you had ensured that you were all I had left in this world, and then you asked me to sever you from it.
And I hate you and I love you and I need you and I fear you, and I am unable even to say these words to your face because I don't know how to look at you…but I know even less how to let you go.
You made an abomination out of me, Anders, and you don't even know it.
I'm not a man of meaningful words; you know that…so I'll reach my point.
We are bound, Anders, as surely as you and Justice.
If you truly want to die, I will take your life.
But know that, if I did, I would be dead before your eyes close.
Cortland Hawke
Powerful stuff madam, thank you
Love it!